Free Accommodation in Greece

The Global Credit Crunch is at work and people are thinking frugally. The falling pound and the rising Euro are making Brits think twice about coming abroad this year.

But you shouldn't have to give up your holiday. If you can afford the flight but don't fancy paying for a hotel, you should seriously consider some island-life city-center camping.

Kalymnos (and I'm sure its the same other islands) has loads of empty properties, some are smart and some are a complete mess.

This one is right in Pothia city centre and allows easy access through a big hole in the wall which gives way to a spacious living, dining, sleeping and recreational area. You could easily set up a tent in here and if you stayed for a week probably no one would bother you. If they did, you could move to another one - there are hundreds of these empty places round the town and elsewhere on the island.

In this one, there are plenty of bike parts lying about so, if you remember to pack a multi-tool you could probably fashion your own transport for sight-seeing.

There's no wi-fi, but look at that view right out over the harbour: spectacular! Total bill for 7 nights accomodation: Zero Pounds and no Euro cents.

Don't forget as well that Kalymnos is ideal for free food: dumpsters regularly contain fresh fruit and veg, and if you're a smoker there are always fags lying about on the ground, possibly as a result of the price: 2 Euros/pack. It's literally still the 1980s as far as UK smokers are concerned.

You would need to buy drinking water but I'm sure you could easily spend a week or two out here for less than £35.

I know what you're thinking, but there is a (just) acceptable public toilet within a five minute walk. Or you could just pish round the back. I think it would be OK.

Flights to Kos start around April. Book now!

Merry Xrisis!

So, the rioting has been cancelled for a few hours to let Santa Claus through to do his thing.


Don’t get us wrong: we have nothing against law and order, per se, but it's freezing and we find the best way to keep warm at this time of year is to set a car on fire and run away from the cops.


So whether you're an enemy of the state or one of the political mafia, we say: MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU!

Greece Ripped Off

To be honest, we didn't initally think the Greek Eurovision entry was that good.

My Secret Combination by Kalomira was a pretty standard slab of American-style pop delivered by a Britney Spears clone who even sang in English and gave her post-event interviews in an American accent.


But then, the day after the competition, we found that My Secret Combination was about the only tune we could actually remember, so at least it was catchy.

Then we remembered how we felt early on in the voting when it looked like Greece might win... a trip to Athens for the Eurovision in one year's time would be AMAZING.

And then we read that the Eurovision was a fix, that it was a Russian company running the phone votes and the whole thing was rigged. This, admittedly, is based on one forum post somewhere on the internet but hey - it might be true and if it is then we feel AGGRIEVED.

So now we're mad shit-assed angry. Greece was ripped off and Russia cheated.

Luckily the national football team have a chance to take revenge soon as they are playing Russia in the Euro 2008 football tournament which starts on Saturday.

Bravo Ellada - give them hell!

Wild Artichokes

So, a relative brought over some wild artichokes from Kos. I always thought the things grew in jars but it appears they are actually wild plants and there are lots of them in Greece at this time of year.



As you can see, they look like big spikey thistles. You boil them and then peel away the spikes one by one, sucking the artichoke-y goodness from the bottom of each spike.

Make sure you do this at the blunt end because those spikes are sharper and more painful than a lawyer.

Eventually, you are left with the squishy heart which you can pop in your mouth whole.

Yum. Bitter tastiness. Yum.

Athletic Sport Victory

Every Thursday, before our weekly shopp at Marinopolous, Paul runs the 400 metres at the Kalymnos Municipal Sports Stadium.


The times have been coming down - resulting in a personal best every week!

• 13 March 1 min 4.3 sec
• 20 March 1 min 2.8 sec
• 27 March1 min 0.5 sec
• 3 April 55.6 sec
• 10 April 53.8 sec

So in five weeks Paul has taken more than ten seconds off his time.

Now he is only ten seconds off Michael Johnson's world record (43.18) and there are just under four months left until the Olympic Games.

That's 16 weeks - so Paul needs to shave off 0.625 seconds from his time every week from now on to be at world record pace in time for the games.

It can be done!

Day 67 - Glamour Gone But Not Forgotten

Packing up our lives in Scotland to come up with the million pound idea that will keep Paul in juice-coloured leisure suits and medallions, doesn’t come without its sacrifices; namely, hanging out at the cafes most evenings, drinking coffee, and solving the world’s problems.

A cup at one of the many cafés along the waterfront costs two Euros and, like our bathroom scales, it slowly adds up.

But today we’ve discovered a great way to simulate a cosmopolitan lifestyle without spending a penny: pack a flask of hot coffee and head to the public café area at the end of the wharf. Perfect. Why didn't we think of this before?

The wharf is a hub of activity with boats, people, trucks, and donkeys coming and going; raw street theatre with its fair share of comedy and tragedy. And like some great relic of a long forgotten communist regime, the sheltered seaside balcony with its collection of steel tables and chairs, is for the people.

After a day locked inside working, we excitedly boil the kettle and dust off the Thermos in preparation for reviving our social life and solving the issue of third world debt.

Just as we’re heading out the door, the sky turns wild. Strobe lightning, violent thunder, and hail stones the size of tumours thwart our plans. Determined to spend the evening out, we huddle under our dripping porch and crack the flask open.

The seeming poverty stirs Paul and he basks in the nostalgia of his student days: midnight rallies, living on half a tin of beans, and feeling like a rebel against the system. Meanwhile, Nicole dreams of frocks, glamour, and cocktails. She is a long way from Paris tonight!

Day 66 - We're Gonna Live Forever

Thanks to the dead, we're going to live longer.

The local cemetary is located on the side of the hill at the top of a very steep staircase, which is perfect for improving our fitness. We have started running in an attempt to get fit and live until we're 150 years old - each that is, not collectively.

The priest thought our Gymnastiki was a great idea when we bumped into him at the top of the stairs one day.

We give the passport fiasco a miss today and instead head out to do our current exercise routine: walk to the end of the waterfront, climb quickly up through the maze of houses to the foot of the staircase, run up the stairs and along the looped road back to the bottom of the stairs, repeat this three times, then run down to the waterfront, stopping at the vegetable stall at the end of the wharf. About 30 mins in total.

Paul bounds down the road with the ease of someone travelling to their letterbox to check the mail. Nicole lags way behind, leaving a trail of lung-lining on the tarmac as she chokes and gasps her way to the finishing line. In an act of blind faith, she desperately holds on to the belief that the pain will pass.

This is supposed to be good for us. Isn't it? It will extend our life. Won't it? Nicole wonders if she has read in the past that statistically runners drop dead from heart attacks more often than non-runners. She is not sure though and pushes the vague memory to the back of her mind. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

After all, this is supposed to move us farther away from those permantly resting at the top of the cemetary stairs, not closer.

Day 64 - The Great Race

Today we head to the local stadium to break some athletic world records.

Paul has trawled Wikipedia for the fastest times ever achieved for the men’s 100, 200, & 400 metres. He has recently revived his cross-country running career from his glory days at West Linton Primary School, and is keen to see how he measures up against the industry's greats. Nicole has been recruited for the day to cheer and hoot from the sidelines as Paul gloriously tears over the finishing line.

Unusually, Nicole barely gets a word in on the way to the stadium. At the end of the 30 minute walk, she has learned all about Paul’s running techniques, strategies, & great triumphs in the small Scottish village of West Linton during the late 70’s & early 80’s.

After checking out the track and satisfied with its lane markings, Paul begins to stretch and limber up; a look of serious concentration on his face as he bends from side to side. Finally, he is ready. He is going to start with the 100 metres, and his time to beat is Jamacia’s Asafa Powell’s 2005 record of 9.77 seconds.

Nicole readies the stop watch as Paul lowers himself into the starting blocks. “Ready, Set, Go!”. The watch has started running but Paul has not. At the crucial moment he needs to go to the toilet. A quick check round the stadium confirms that there are no facilities open and then the race is really on. Back to the house and to the bathroom.

Paul doesn’t make it in 9.77 seconds but he does make it in time. Nicole does what she was recruited to do and hoots. With laughter.

Day 63 - Love and Money

It’s been a cold grey day spent inside working, so we head out tonight to have a romantic date down at a waterfront. Café Ciao is chosen for the large mugs of roasting coffee served, and the outdoor burners that keep the blood flowing so you can enjoy the seaside scenery.

Thoughts are ping-ponged back and forth about love, life, and Freddy Mercury, and all seems to be going well until we stumble into mentioning the outstanding Value Added Tax that is owed to us. This leads us on to debating the benefits and cons of remaining a Ltd Company, and what on earth are we going to do about our accountants who charge an arm and a leg and a kidney and a liver whenever they spare us a thought. The date is over and we are once again business partners clashing at front line.

Not people to give up easily we schedule another date for next week.

Day 60 - An Ouzo is Not Just An Ouzo

Confusion reigns at Cafe Nes. You see, what they call an "Ouzo" is not just a glass of ouzo but also a plate of small snacks, (mezedes or tapas if you will), plus a glass of water.


The trouble comes when you want the snacks but not the booze, perhaps a coffee instead?


This boat-rocking nonsense causes holy uproar amongst all patrons of Cafe Nes (who all look exactly like the chap pictrued on the establishment's official napkin). Debates about our decision rage at side tables. Men shake their worry beads faster and faster. The puzzled waiter has to confirm three times that we want coffee rather than ouzo and then, just to be on the safe side, brings us ouzo anyway.





It's a bit like the time we tried to ask in the kebab shop at the bottom of the road if they might have any baklava. Horrified groups of men jumped from their chairs, waved their arms around, crossed themselves rapidly and shouted "Galatabouriko! Galatabouriko!" which basically meant "No, dummy - go to the cake shop!"


All right, all right, all right... SORRY!

Day 59 - Let Them Eat Squid

An Economic Riddle: Why does the squid which comes out of the Aegean Sea which is located approximately ten metres from the fish shop cost 6 or 8 Euros per kilo while the squid in the supermarket next door that has to be frozen, packed in polythene bags and transported from India only cost 4 Euros per kilo?

We imagine the answer has something to do with apocalyptic global-economics of the end-times in which our mindless consumer behaviour ends up causing everyone to die under rising seas (for which we are utterly responsible). Boo.

However - the low price kind of makes you forget about all of that and in our quest to stretch the budget, we now find ourselves eating calamari as a staple. Back in Glasgow this animal was a luxury. Thanks to the internet we now know even how to gut and cook them.

The free olive-oil supply and the lemon-tree-in-the-garden scenario adds to the overall cheapness. Another riddle: why does inexpensive food taste so much better than stuff you pay through the nose for?

Day 46 - Movie World

For the Greek release of Steve Almighty they've changed the title to the none-too-catchy Noah For One Week. Who knows - perhaps that's absolutely hilarious to Greeks?

What definitely is funny is an old kung-fu movie on Michael's TV. Between the Chinese dialogue and the Greek subtitles - we work out the plot.

Basically there's a good guy and his mate who work for a good emperor and who are brilliant at fighting. They're chasing the bad emperor and his hundreds of dumb guards who are rubbish at fighting. There is a gigantic fight and the good guy's pal gets his arm cut off but keeps fighting. The other good guy kills every single one of the baddies, captures the bad emperor and hands him over before dying from his wounds. Then the guy with one arm dies as well.

At the end the good emperor turns up, surveys the scene and turns his face to the sky to speak: "War is hell. We have lost so many of our brothers." Then there is loud Chinese music followed by Chinese credits. The End.

And, when the entertainment is that solid - you don't need to understand every word.

Day 44 - Big Plans

We came to Greece armed with two Swiss exercise balls, a yoga workout, a pilates workout, a weights resistance workout, and a plan for 2-hours exercise a day; we have planned and discussed our get-fit strategy in depth. We are still planning and discussing it. The trip to the sports shop to get a valve to pump up the Swiss balls is still on the to-do list.

Today we take the next step and visit a local gym to discuss joining up. The gym is only a 5 minute walk from our flat (tick) and, whilst a fairly small room, it has all the resistance weights and cardio machines we need to get fit - so good so far. It is also very reasonable at 36 Euros a month membership fee with no long term contract - very good.

Naturally, we spend time looking at the pros and cons of each machine, and discuss the workouts we would do when we join. We ask the staff lots of important questions about opening times, ventilation systems, changing facilities, cleaners’ schedules, and wall-photograph locations.

Satisfied that we have all the knowledge needed in order to join, we decide to head down to a café by the waterfront and discuss it further.

After all, a failure to plan is to plan to fail! Isn't it?

Day 42 - The Most Frustrating Thing in The World

Paul is going nuts. In the belief that he can watch the vital, massive, crucial Scotland v Italy game online for free at the SFA website, Paul recklessly waits until ten minutes before kick-off to log-on try and sort this out.

Of course, it doesn’t work and neither does BBC Radio commentary which is “only available to listeners inside the UK”. Paul only discovers this absurdity after spending fifteen minutes downloading Real Player. Aaargh!

By now, we know from the BBC website that Scotland are losing 0-1 but there’s no commentary, no pictures and Paul is in curse/swear overdrive. Trying to keep calm, he scours the internet for options. Eventually, he finds http://www.livefooty.doctor-serv.com/. After a further forty minutes of false starts and fannying about, he finally brings up a jumpy, low-resolution feed from a German TV channel. Yes!

The game, live from Glasgow, is already in the second half. Paul settles back on the sofa, the screen fills with football and all is well. Scotland attack, the move looks good and… the feed breaks down and stops just as Scotland look like they are about to score!

Paul scrambles to another option which requires downloading Chinese software and tuning into an Arabic TV station who are showing the game.

The pictures come back and… Yes! Scotland have scored while we’ve been out of the loop! It’s 1-1 with 15 minutes to go. A draw gives Scotland a chance to qualify for the European Championships but the Scotland players are going for the win to make certain: they’re attacking. World Champions Italy look rattled!

For the next eight or nine minutes, everything is incredibly exciting as the two teams fight for a winner. Then, with three minutes left to play, the feed stops again. Aaargh!

This time Paul fails to retrieve the pictures and it is in complete silence a few minutes later that he reads the final score on the BBC website (in glorious TEXT): Scotland 1-2 Italy.

What?

Yes, it turns out that the Italians scored in the very last minute of the game and that’s it: Scotland are knocked out with no chance of big tournament for another two years.

So that’s the story: no matter how frustrating computers and the internet can be, they’ll never be as frustrating as being Scottish and following football.